INFJ Doodles

Prior to this I don’t remember the last time I misread someone (a couple years at least). I used to be self-conscious about whether or not I was reading people properly. Now I’ve learned to trust my instincts. Still, can’t be right 100% of the time (yet I tell myself, if only I had paused and reevaluated before initiating…).

Flirting goes something like that… Words, who uses those? Imply everything with body language!

Here is part two of that article, which goes into other 8 function model: http://www.typeinsights.com/FreeArticles/TypeArchetypePartTwoTheArms.pdf Interesting quote: “It’s my parental second function I must use when taking care of others, not my heroic first function, and that means I take the best care of people not when I heroically show them a possibility they haven’t thought of, but when I help them to define more sharply what they already know.” (an ENTP talking about using Ti to help rather than Ne.)

First side tangent: Extraverted feeling was for a while a rough one to define for myself. I struck at many incorrect definitions. I read many definitions online that didn’t match the NFJs I knew in life or myself. I realized this was because most of the definitions of it are around the “what would the neighbors think?” (and typically written by any type not FJ). A very ‘all FJ share the exact same social norms’ (and same values) and you must be an enforcer of social norms if you are an FJ (one ENFJ I can think of off hand disagrees).

I have found social norms to be difficult in the past. I was an exchange student for a year and the culture I lived in, I choose not to meld into the social norms I saw. I saw them, I could have blended but, it was innately objectionable to me to stop being myself for the sake of fitting in (even though it would have been relatively low cost). I dealt with people pressuring me into being someone I was not [in particular one adult (I was 16) saw nothing wrong with the idea that I should change who I was and they should urge me to change].

I do see extraverted feeling as pursuing harmony but, the way one pursues that is part cultural / part choice / part learning. Some FJs might see burning it all down as the easiest way to get to peace… But, I use Fe to try and help others grow. I think there are many different moral codes that are valid—depending on the group, the environment and the situation (my own morals are in this direction). I am not an enforcer of others’ morality. I strive to associate with people that value honesty. That’s actually the only thing I think I require (I mean, there are some other things that are related to dishonesty).

On a related tangent: my boyfriend (ISFJ) didn’t want to put the trash in the bin because he wasn’t sure which one was mine (I think he disposed to it elsewhere). He has had disagreements with neighbor about speeding down his road. These are not things I notice or care about. I have walked past my neighbors but, I am indifferent to their existence.

I was in a meeting where two guys were TJ attacking an idea. I had sideways information for them and didn’t have an easy in. The third guy spotted my body language change and gave me an opening. I’m pretty sure he’s an ENFJ from how he makes all conversations easier. I do enjoy the wordless language I have with most other FJs.

I no longer feel the need to resolve all conflict around me. It does still make me twitchy when two people I like are getting into a dumb row that I could easily calm. Let other people solve their own problems until they ask for help… (Train people that asking for help is easy and fixes things!)

I’ve noticed Ts in general being happier trying new things out if you throw the label “experiment” on them, then success or failure you succeed by virtue of having more knowledge. Cognitive functions aren’t skills that you level up—however by becoming more comfortable with skills in different areas, the less alien these things will seem (and the less alien parts of yourself will seem). 

It’s nice having a partner that has a similar but, different skill set. He brings a very different mentality than I do, when I run into problems I haven’t resolved he brings a different viewpoint and still understands mine.

Fe definition time, gossip is very much a social construct. I admit to enjoying it, never with intent to be negative or harm (as a matter of fact, I’ve gotten 4 or 5 people jobs in the last year with this skill). Consider taking this challenge: Avoid talking about people that aren’t present for a day (or a week). If nothing else it will give you awareness of how often you mention other people and in what context.

These conversations happen in my head…

Said by an INTP friend when we were talking about relationships. I was like “oh, man! Extraverted feeling…it’s a pain sometimes.” The desire to harmonize can be obnoxious.